From The Editor's Desk: Man-life, Woman-life
Recently, a male friend of mine was waxing lyrical about how blissfully quiet it was spending time with a group of just men! He actually didn't mean it in a derogatory way, but rather that when it is all men somehow they are better able to think their own thoughts. But it seems women experience the same thing when it's women only. My teenage daughters go to a single sex school and while they miss the interaction with the boys, they admit they are more focused and express themselves more freely with just girls. We spend most of our lives mixing in that interesting dynamic between men and women, but every now and then we need our own kind. This is why The Dealmaker Programmes includes a programme for women only, on which we focus in this Newsletter.
"The source of all life and knowledge is in man and woman, and the source of all living is in the interchange and the meeting and mingling of these two: man-life and woman-life, man-knowledge and woman-knowledge, man-being and woman-being." - D. H. Lawrence (English writer; 1885-1930).
Enjoy your dealmaking.
Leigh
Strictly Come Dealmaking: Third Of Ten Drop Dead Dealmaking Moves
Learning To Be Flexible
Since the beginning of the year we have been comparing dealmaking to dancing the tango. We are looking at one drop dead dealmaking move per month and we are now on the third.
Another way in which dealmaking and tango dancing are comparable is in the way both require flexibility.
What's negotiable?
Would you compromise your principles and values to get what you want? "What principles?" some of you are saying! But others of you are quite clear that there are some lines you are not prepared to cross.
The following questions might have very straight forward yes or no answers for you. "Would you sleep with your boss to get a promotion?" "Would you give a bribe to get business?" "Would you cancel your wedding anniversary plans because an urgent meeting is called?" (Read Kim Meredith's book Work Diva: How To Climb The Corporate Ladder Without Selling Your Soul for a fascinating answer to the first question.)
The problem with simple yes and no answers however, is that you limit your options and there is almost always a winner and a loser, and you may not know on which side you are going fall. In order to be an expert negotiator you need to be able to ask how you can have both. How could you get the promotion and not have to sleep with the boss? How could you get the business without having to give or accept a "sweetener"?
What is critical to high level dealmaking is that you don't shut down opportunities by knee jerk reactions. A "yes" said too quickly can mean you pay a higher price than you needed to, or you get less than you could have. A "no" said too quickly, can mean the loss of a good deal that simply needed reshaping.
As flexible as your bones
I recently saw an advert for vitamins that contributed to bone density thus preventing osteoporosis. Its buy line was, "You are as flexible as your bones." This really struck me because it illustrates the importance of flexibility within the structure of your negotiation.
In dealmaking your structure is based on your mandate, your ball park, company policies and procedures and the law amongst other things. Within this structure you have a huge degree of flexibility. But do not misunderstand me. I am not talking about compromising or fudging.
The way you use this flexibility is by asking a key question: "On what conditions would I do this?" For example, under what circumstances would I do something as mad as run the Comrades ultra marathon? Well, if I had a personal trainer, and I was paid R500 000 for finishing, and I was encouraged by some buff shirtless male spectators, I might just consider it!
The point is that skilled negotiators put a price on the demands made of them. They look for ways that they can give the person what they want but with their own conditions attached to the deal.
The art of dancing with a partner
Dancing with someone is very different to dancing on your own. On your own you can choose your own moves, dance your own style and at your own pace. But when you dance with a partner you have to take their style and rhythm into consideration.
If you have ever watched the TV reality show, "Strictly Come Dancing" you will have seen how professional dancers can make even the clumsiest and most inept of dancers look competent. Dealmaking is a partner sport. Professional dealmakers are able to take whatever moves their "partner", usually the other party, makes and creatively guide it so that the deal is ultimately acceptable.
Flexibility is being able to take the proposal that is on the table and move it in such a way that it corresponds with your demands and requirements. From there the dance begins, moving backwards and forwards, until the final deal is as elegant as any tango!
So dealmaking is about being flexible. It means not shutting down your options with quick yes or no answers. It means learning to put conditions on the demands you are faced with. And it means taking the proposals you are given and answering them in such a way that they move in a direction that works for both parties.
For Women Only: Featured Programme - The Dealdiva™
"There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats." - Pablo Picasso
The Dealdiva™ is a two day programme, developed for Women Only that addresses the negotiation challenges and obstacles women face in business on a daily basis. Recent research shows that women value themselves differently to men and therefore need to understand what value they are negotiating and get equal value in return - particularly when negotiating with the opposite gender.
The programme is suitable for women with any level of business, sales or negotiation experience and emphasises personal development as well as negotiation skills. Specific attention is paid to balancing assertiveness in order to help delegates to considerably boost their dealmaking abilities and confidence.
VALUE TO THE DELEGATES
The Dealdiva™ shows women all the tactics and strategies they need to become skilled negotiators. By focusing on confidence and assertiveness Graduates are able to close deals that protect their interests, while building business expertise.
FEEDBACK FROM THE MOST RECENT PROGRAMME
The Dealdiva™, which took place on 10-11 March this year, was oversubscribed by 20 percent. This is some of the feedback we received:
"Really one of (if not) the best courses I have ever attended! It gave me so much especially running my own company. Everything is done in style and really makes one feel like a lady and proud to be a woman." - Elba van Zyl, IT consultant and Business owner
"Fast-paced, women focus, humour interjected, programme materials easy to understand and apply. Coaches were very professional and kept it high level!" - Debbie Lefebvre, President, PL Services, INC, United States of America
"Well balanced - focussed on soft and hard (technical) skills and focussed on challenges women face." - Lesyl Potgieter, Senior Investment Advisor and Planner.
"Thank you for helping me see the Diva in myself." - Martie Egen, Insurance Assessor
OPEN PROGRAMME DATES FOR 2010 IN SOUTH AFRICA
The Dealdiva™ - Women Only |
Date |
Venue |
28 & 29 July 2010 (Wed,Thurs) |
Johannesburg |
15 & 16 September 2010 |
Johannesburg |
BOOKING
To book a place on the South African, European OR American programmes, or an appointment with one of our consultants to help you evaluate what will work best for you and your company, send an email to enquiries@thedealmaker.com.
Gorgeous Divas: The First The Dealdiva™ Programme Of 2010
Joanne Stewart, Elba van Zyl, Martie Egen, Leigh Harrison
Joanne Stewart and Lesyl Potgieter
Sharon Maxwell and Debbie Lefebvre
The Dealmaker Programmes Company ran its first The Dealdiva™ programme of 2010 in South Africa in March. It was a phenomenal success. The programme was oversubscribed with 17 women attending from all industries, backgrounds and contexts. Some had years of corporate experience, some had built successful businesses of their own, some were just starting out in business, and some were putting their careers on hold for the sake of either their families, or to find a new direction.
Despite - or maybe because of - the diversity, the women gelled very quickly as a group, participating richly in discussions both in and out of session times. It really did appear that being only women had the effect of freeing each to be more relaxed and open.
The programme calls for the women to be extremely honest with themselves, but at the same time honour who they are as "divas" - women who are adored and appreciated, even if just by themselves! It also gave them the language to be confident and assertive in their business and personal deals, and the negotiating skills to go with it.
The young women on the programme took full advantage of the opportunity of mixing with more experienced business women and some actively sought input and mentorship, which was given with great delight, humour and insight.
Of course, it was not all work, work, work. What's a group of ladies going to do but party up a storm! So one night it was out to dinner and the next off to the Radium Beer Hall. But I believe the word is "What happens at The Radium stays at The Radium"!
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Graduate Mentors: Learning From The BestAn Interview With Colleen Larsen,
CEO And Founder Women In Finance and The Dealdiva™ Graduate |
Through many ups and downs Colleen's life is proof that if you live your life to its utmost, remembering it is not a dress rehearsal, you can only end up with one result: the life that you want. Born and bred in Johannesburg, she is a networker and organiser, but more than that she is a visionary with a passion for empowering entrepreneurs. She is a leader whose career spans 28 years within the financial services market.
She is a former Board member of South African Women Entrepreneurs Network (a DTI initiative). She has founded the following organizations: Women in Finance www.womeninfinance.co.za, United Businesswomen of South Africa, and BizVault (www.bizvault-manager.com). She is also co-head of 85broads southern Africa (www.85broads.com).
1. What is Women in Finance?
It's a small business development organization that grew out of my experience of being Chairman of the Board of the South African Women Entrepreneur's Network. I realized that one of the critical factors that led to women entrepreneurs failing was lack of finance. Because of my background in the pension fund and insurance industry I had access to the finance houses so I put together this organization to facilitate the interaction between the two.
Women in Finance is a collaborative organization which connects 18 different organizations under an umbrella called the United Businesswomen of South Africa, as well as various Chambers of Commerce. What we do is facilitate access. This is primarily access to information, including a structured six month mentorship programme; to finance; and to networking, especially bringing big and small business together.
2. What has made Women in Finance successful?
Firstly, we have no anchor sponsor which means we are independent. But it also means that as a non-profit organization, we have to negotiate everything.
Secondly, we follow through on what we say we are going to do with you every time. We recently topped a list of 144 organizations providing services to entrepreneurs, for service delivery.
Thirdly, we don't set ourselves up in competition with anyone. This includes men. We have never excluded men, and in fact, 40% of our membership is men because they don't feel threatened. The mix of men and women is normal in a business environment and women, who generally have less business experience than men, need to look and learn from the men around them.
3. What are your typical negotiations?
I spend most of my life negotiating! I don't believe that as a non-profit organization we should be going cap in hand to ask for help. So for our corporate members I do a lot of research before hand to find out what they may be looking for. I also meet with them to discover further what they might want out of a deal. We then negotiate within our network and with them so that we can give them a customized package that gives them value for the membership fee we ask.
On top of this I negotiate for sponsorship for events such as the conferences we run; I negotiate benefits for our members, such as discounts and special group offers; I negotiate with venues; and, what is a worthwhile fee with our members.
4. How can women become better dealmakers?
In my experience it is not only women who fall down in these areas but most small business owners. Firstly, they don't ask for the deal. They work on their pitch and do a wonderful presentation and then wonder why they don't hear from the person again. It's because they haven't asked! The worst the client can say is "No."
Secondly, they don't negotiate the terms of the deal and actually close it. And lastly, they fail because they simply don't do the groundwork. The client can see they don't know the client's business and they lose credibility.
Women, in particular, need to also learn to move away from accepting and even resenting what they feel they "have" to do, to choosing what they want to do. This might mean accepting certain responsibilities but then learning to enjoy them. It also means asking for help, and for what they want.
5. What can big business do to encourage entrepreneurship?
Big business could be better in informing small business what services they require. Organizations like Women in Finance can then help them get ready. Big business can also ensure that there is a contact person on staff who understands how small businesses work.
6. What drives you to put so much passion, time and energy into Women in Finance?
I receive unbelievable contentment and a sense of fulfillment when I see other people succeed. I met a woman who made beautiful African style pots in Soweto. We negotiated a fee for her to come to one of conferences where instead of selling her pots for R200 she put them on "special" for R750. She sold more in those two days than in the previous six months. She has since been overseas and is now following her dream of building an art gallery in Soweto. That is my reward and why I do what I do.
I can open doors and I have a natural ability to keep my eye on the vision and constantly move through it, and I love helping other people to do that too.
Feature Book: Predictably Irrational By Dan Ariely
This is in defense of the argument that women are irrational! It appears we all are! I also want to highlight how people associate price with value in very interesting ways. - Ed
Realising we are predictably irrational
Dan Ariely is a researcher in the field of behavioural economics of the same ilk as Steven D. Levitt of Freakonomics fame. In his introduction Ariely says:
"Although a feeling of awe at the capability of humans is clearly justified, there is a large difference between a deep sense of admiration and the assumption that our reasoning abilities are perfect. In fact, this book is about human irrationality - about our distance from perfection... Understanding irrationality is important for our everyday actions and decisions, and for understanding how we design our environment and the choices it presents to us.
My further observation is that we are not only irrational, but predictably irrational - that our irrationality happens the same way, again and again."
Answers to some interesting questions
These are some of the questions Ariely deals with:
- Why we are happy to do things, but not when we are paid to do them
- Why we often pay too much when we pay nothing
- Why we can't make ourselves do what we want to do
- Why we overvalue what we have
- Why the mind gets what it expects
- Why dealing with cash makes us more honest
If you are a dealmaker, you can see why understanding the predictably irrational ways that humans decide and behave has relevance to what we do!
One of the more bizarre experiments Ariely conducted involved torture!
Ariely wanted to test whether the price of a drug, in this case a painkiller, would affect our response to it. He begins the chapter by laying the foundation of the placebo effect on our experience of wellbeing. That is, that our confidence or faith in the drug, procedure, or caregiver; and our conditioning to expect a certain outcome, create the same, if not better results to our health even if the drug or procedure is not actually real.
The experiment involved inviting volunteers firstly into a waiting room where a variety of advertising material displayed the amazing results of a particular painkiller, which would be effective within 10 minutes of receiving a dose. A single dose cost $2.50. They were then subjected to a number of electric shocks ranging from mildly irritating to extremely painful. They were then given a dose of this painkiller, subjected to the same electric shocks and asked to rate the level of pain experienced after the dose.
Almost all the participants reported less pain under the influence of the painkiller. Very interesting, as Ariely says, considering it was just a capsule of vitamin C!
They followed up this experiment with another, exactly the same, except they scratched out the price of $2.50 for the painkiller to now read, 10 cents. Would the participants experience the same efficacy of the drug as those who thought the drug was priced higher? No. At $2.50 almost all the participants experienced pain relief from the pill. But when the price was dropped to 10c, only half of them did. In fact, for those who had experienced the most pain, the relief was the least when the price was discounted.
Conclusions
There is nothing new about realising that we equate increased value with higher prices. We expect better quality if we pay a premium. But what Ariely's experiment highlights is that firstly, what we are prepared to pay for a pair of jeans for example, is entirely personal. But in some circumstances, such as our health, or in our case business results, we are less prepared to compromise. Secondly, it is not just that price automatically equates to quality but our expectation of that quality also colours our experience of a product's results.
Food for thought! - Ed
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Social Intelligence - Building Empathic Relationships |
Although there are benefits to men and women having their own time together the reality is most of our time is spent learning to relate to many different kinds of people. Building relationships with diverse people is essential in a world that is becoming increasingly interdependent. This field of knowledge and expertise is called "Social Intelligence". This article explores the basics of what this is about. - Ed
What is social intelligence?
Western culture has emphasised the power and independence of the individual over the last couple of centuries. And we have been amazed at what individuals have accomplished through what it appears is sheer guts, will power, determination and talent. But we are beginning to realise and acknowledge more and more that whatever we do is in fact, dependent on others.
Emotional intelligence focuses on a crucial set of human capacities within us as individuals, our ability to manage our own emotions and our inner potential for positive relationships. Social Intelligence is what happens as we connect with another.
We are aware of the connection between people when we experience our mood being affected by another person, even if they haven't said anything to us. We also have a sense of whether we like another person, are attracted to them, or whether we don't trust them. Our instinct can be very powerful and can operate as a warning system. However, it is also informed by our prejudices and stereotypes and so we have to be careful of prejudging!
We can develop our social intelligence by focusing on at least three things:
- Respect
- Recognition
- Rapport
Respect
Author, William Isaacs says, "To respect someone is to look for the springs that feed the pool of their experience." He goes on to say, "It involves a sense of honouring or deferring to someone. Where once we saw one aspect of a person, we look again and realize how much of them we had missed." This means of course, listening to the person, getting to know them, and believing in them.
When we see and relate to people as people, as whole beings with history, hopes, fears and dreams, and not as objects to be manipulated or managed then we will gain more from our interactions with others.
Recognition
The worst punishment you can inflict on anyone is to ignore them. We need to be acknowledged, noticed and made to feel important. We know that babies die if they lack physical touch, as adults we die inside when we don't get psychological or emotional touch. Eric Berne, a renowned psychologist, called these strokes. A greeting is a stroke. Recognition and appreciation are strokes. But people are so desperate to be acknowledged, they will even behave badly and suffer negative consequences rather than not be noticed. Therefore acknowledging others will create the environment for you to get the best results for you and for them.
We recognise people in the following ways:
- Be genuinely interested in the other person by listening and asking questions.
- Remember and use people's names. Remember people's names by repeating their name as soon as you have heard it. "Hi, I'm Sam." "Hi Sam, I'm Zandile." And then associate their name with something e.g. "Sam I am."
- "I can live for two months on one good compliment." - Mark Twain
Accept other people's compliments graciously.
- Express thanks whenever you can.
Rapport
We all know people who can read moods and are actually able to match them. In this way you somehow always feel comfortable in their presence, no matter whether your mood is good or bad. I had a hairdresser who had this down to fine art. When I was exhausted and just wanted to shut off from the world, she would sense how I was feeling, never asked intrusive questions, and we would sit in silence while she cut my hair. Other times, I would feel bright and happy and we'd chat away or if I needed to blow off steam she would listen and sympathise.
Rapport is that connection between people that enables them to bond and trust each other. Where there is rapport there is cooperation, and the person is more open to our suggestions and information. We build rapport by reading body language, mood and style and matching ours to the other person. Most of the time we do this naturally! Just watch in a restaurant how many people are in similar positions! If they are not - what problem do you detect in the relationship?
Conclusion
Everyone has a certain degree of social intelligence, but like all our intelligences it can be developed and honed. Relationships are vital in any endeavour we undertake. Building positive relationships based on an empathic connection with the other, can make a radical difference in our lives, and businesses. Three simple things we can do to increase our social intelligence are: work on our respect towards others, the recognition we give them and the rapport we develop with them.
By Leigh Harrison, July 2009, Johannesburg
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